I Knew It!

I knew it!

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.

Nic Cage is a vampire.

Now hold on a minute; let me explain. You see, this week a man posted up an old Civil War-era photograph to sell on eBay. He claimed (rightly so, if you ask me) that the photo--which, again, was taken in the 1860s--is actually of actor Nic Cage.

Which proves--beyond a shadow of doubt--that Nic Cage is, indeed, actually a vampire who has lived hundreds of years. If you don't believe me, just take a look at the photos below. The one on the left is present-day (vampiric) Nic Cage. The one on the right is the 1860s photo found by the (no doubt sound-minded) eBay seller.
Uncanny. It's uncanny, the resemblance. Eerily so, if you ask me. And so, finally, after these many long years, my once-laughed-at claim that Nic Cage is actually one of the walking undead can be backed up by photographic evidence.

Think about it. Have you, personally, ever seen Nic Cage during the daytime? What about all those old, rare, impossible-to-find comics he used to have? Where'd they come from, hmmm? Oh! And--and he was in a movie where he played a vampire.

Which is exactly what a vampire would do--hide in plain sight.

Uh huh. Now you're seeing things my way.

Also, there's probably a very obvious joke about vampires, Nic Cage movies, and sucking that I may be missing...

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Happy Friday, folks!