Star Trek Toys, Past and Present - Part 1

When the new Star Trek movie was released in 2009, I swore I would never buy any of the merchandise related to the new continuity. Maybe, maybe I would consider picking up action figures of the two characters in the movie who technically came from the original Star Trek timeline so I could add them to my collection of Playmates-brand action figures that exists in a big plastic tub in my closet.

Some of you just recoiled in horror. Yes, I keep my actually-worth-some-money vintage action figures in a plastic tub in my closet. Out of the package, no less. With no separation of accessories. Somebody call an ambulance; I think at least one of our readers just went into convulsions.

And I used to put stickers and tape handmade decals on some of my playsets.

Whoa, that did it. Forget the ambulance; he's dead, Jim.

Quite obviously, I am a player and not a payer when it comes to action figures and other collectables. Bonus points if you've been reading this blog long enough to remember what players and payers are. Still, though it saddens me sometimes to look at how poorly I've treated and maintained my toys throughout the years (or how poorly they've resisted the ravages of time), I still hold on to every dismembered Zero action figure and completely whitewashed die-cast Enterprise-D model with pride.

Regardless, I had no intention of ever letting a single NuTrek action figure, starship, playset, or prop replica enter into my collection by my own hand. Partly this is because I'm not entirely thrilled with the new direction of the franchise, and partly this is because I know myself well.

You see, if you give a Nathaniel a Scotty, he's going to ask for a Sulu to keep him company, but Scotty and Sulu hardly make a crew, so he'll also need a McCoy. But McCoy is incomplete without a Spock, and... well, you see the predicament. Eventually I'd need to buy a New Uhura, though I almost feel like my money would be better spent on a Sybok or a Ru'afo. Which, if you can believe it, actually do exist, even though I'm one of the only Star Trek fans who might ever admit to owning one.

...But I digress.

By a strange twist of fate (named Christmas), I found myself being given a NuTrek toy. Now, I swore I'd never buy anything from the new continuity, but being given something is another story altogether.

If the gift had been a toy phaser or a t-shirt in the style of the new uniforms, that would have been all fine and dandy. Such paraphernalia are perfectly good standalone gifts that, at least for me, don't foment that "gotta catch 'em all" mentality. However, wouldn't it have been funny if I had gotten an action figure that wasn't one of the two I was considering buying?

Yeah, irony is funny. So is a tiny James T. Kirk action figure.

A tiny one. Almost a whole inch shorter than the 4.5-inch ones in the plastic tub in my closet, which makes a considerable difference when you put them next to one another. You know what's funnier yet?

Kirk wasn't the main attraction. He was packaged with a playset of the bridge of the USS Enterprise.

A playset made for tiny people.

A playset with two very tiny, very empty-looking chairs where Chekov and Sulu should be sitting.

I think you know where this is going.

It's going to be concluded in tomorrow's post, that's where.